Olive Crest United Methodist Church
7180 North 60th Street
Omaha, Nebraska 68152

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Rev. Debra Tompsett-Welch

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Olive Branch Newsletter For November 2001

Going on Vacation in the Kingdom of Love or Fear

By Rev. Michael Lee Burgess

It was time for my annual pilgrimage to Denver. And hysteria sets in. First it was getting the car fixed up enough to drive to Denver, getting my tooth crowned before leaving and the antibiotic for the tooth infection so I could move my jaw enough to talk. Then I had to get paper work done in the office, plus the bulletin done for Olive Crest and for my communion service in Denver, then visit the hospital and chair my nominating committee meeting. Those kind of days make my head explode. But finally (9:00 p.m.) I am done with my last meeting and come home to pack my clothes, stuff and the car. I was wandering around looking for things I had not seen since last October. I got my tux together for the art auction, found the toiletries, got clothes in a bag, and all the research for the panels I was on (so I had something worthwhile to say). We put Kurt and Sheldon's stuff in the car and it was still Thursday night (by one minute) and then I ran back to the office to get my "Church in a Box"^TM kit for communion (plus bread and grape juice, and worship bulletins and handouts). I went back in twice to make sure I didn't forget anything since I was getting kind of scatter brained.

Finally we are on the road (ok, ok, now it is Friday, but we left the house on Thursday) We get gas and launch for I-80 and the mountains. We finally get to Denver and stagger into my friend Chad's house and collapse just over the threshold. Denver rush hour traffic is MEAN and so is the smog in that thin air. But we survive and go to the hotel to check in and I get ready for my first panel. It is "The Devil Up Close and Personal". I am the moderator for that one and do a 10 minute lecture on the evolution of Satan from has-satan in the Old Testament (the prosecuting attorney in the court of God) to the proper name Satan, (the enemy of God) in the New Testament. Then the English mythology such as Milton's Paradise Lost that have shaped our modern view point as much as the Biblical material. I got compliments, and had handouts from the Interpreters Dictionary of the Bible. That was fun and the panelist all did great talking about their research for their books and what images from our modern world shaped their image and understanding of evil. So my high speed 4 day vacation got started (it started out as 3 day before event intervened, but that's another story). I am on more panels, help an older lady who fell at the pool until the paramedics get there, and do other interesting things like getting lots of hugs, and finally it is Saturday afternoon and I am getting ready for my Sunday Communion worship service.

I am sitting in the operations room (Ops) listening to people talk about how things seem more quiet than normal. It seems that there are fewer people, everything seems a little depressed, and they are wondering if it is the September 11^th disaster, which seems to be responsible for everything from a 26 % drop in housing starts in Denver to layoffs at big plants. This is not helping me focus so I ask the room in general for suggestions on topics for my sermon. After some shocked silence they get into it with suggestions on how everything is a choice. We get into a lively discussion on how do you work at trying to find out what God's will is (check out the Weslyan Quadrilateral and Leslie Weatherhead and the Will of God) and horror stories of how some churches have hurt their feelings or rejected them in the past (a very useful healing process of venting). But it gets my mind working on what might be helpful for people at the con. Then I find one of my very dear old friends has not slept but 2 hours in the last 30. So I drag Freya off to Kurt, Sheldon and my room to take a 2 hour nap. As I get her settled and am getting ready to walk back down to Ops to start writing my sermon notes, I notice something that makes me throw my hat across the room. I have forgotten to bring my pulpit robe garment bag and my stole for the worship service. ARRGH! (or words to that effect).

When I take communion to people in the hospital or at home I always take it with me. I have never done the Great Thanksgiving without a stole. I feel overwhelmed by a feeling of failure. I do NOT feel good. It is so powerful that I have to set down and examine the feeling. Why do I need a uniform to do the work? Well partly it is because when I was ordained to "take thou authority to administer the sacraments" it was an office I was entrusted to do. It is a work that doesn't depend upon my personal worth or goodness, but one I do in the name of God for God's people. So the uniform reminds me to be humble and that it is not me that makes the grace come, but through me that God makes the mystery real. Ok that is a theological issue, but God doesn't get locked into doing things only one way, as dad says, "lighten up Michael". So why feel so lost and afraid? Ah, now here is the real emotion, behind all this noise about failure, the real emotion is fear. Fear that I will let God down, or that someone who might be helped will not be reached because I don't do a good enough job. Ah, now I have it. And there is an error in that thinking. God does not leave because I make mistakes, God does not stop loving me because I am not perfect. God never asked me to get it right all the time, only to try, God takes care of the rest. So where is all this fear coming from that lays like a blanket over everything robbing me of joy and the world of light?

Then I think about the conversation in the Ops room. Fear, a miasma of fear that is in the air and we breath in, then because we feel it we look for an excuse to attach it to. A general feeling of anxiety, something must be wrong. Then I find a mistake, an error I have made, and like a weak seam in the hull of a submarine that bursts letting the sea flood in, the fear that seems to float in the air around me floods in and I feel my sense of joy and worth buried under a weight of anxiety and failure. But it is not true. The feeling does not reflect reality. It feels true, but it is not fact. I am not a failure. God is not going to mind if I do my communion service in a tuxedo and cape. In fact when I mention this in the Ops room on the off chance that they might know someone who had a robe I could borrow, they all tell me that; "relax, no one will mind." The fear recedes, hope returns, and I now have the topic for my sermon, "Living in the kingdom of love, or the kingdom of fear, which do you choose?" The fear fades away and the peace returns, in the midst of chaos there is a still center where wonder dwells and looks around in delight for what is next. In fact I have a tape along that will match perfectly. It is all falling together.

The phone rings for the wake up call and it is Sunday. I start for the shower and already it is going to be ok. I clean up my panel room, throw away the trash, arrange the chairs, get the grape juice out of the cooler in the car, fold my bulletins, and mark the Bible passages and wonder how many people will come. Time creeps up and just minutes before we are to start, they do. And wow, half of them are people I have never seen before. Thank you. Thank you to those who believed in me and encouraged me, and thank you God for those who are here to celebrate our kingdom of love together. Life really is good. I am tired enough to be dropping things, but life really is joyful, if you let God help you remember it.

After that the day is a blur, the animation panel I am on goes great, I auction 77 pieces in an hour and forty-three minutes (a record for me) and get compliments and thank-yous from the audience. I sooth ruffled feathers, and encourage artists and I remember which kingdom I have chosen to live in. When I fall asleep that night, I am groggy tired, but I feel good. It is not so much the speed at which we live that makes it hard to get up in the morning, it is where we think we live that makes the day interesting or hard. The trouble is we have to make that choice every day of our lives. Where do I want to live? Do I want to live in fear or the kingdom of love? Please help me remember to live in God's kingdom of love with you, and I will try and help you to remember as well.

May God bless you with love, your brother-in-Christ,
Reverend Michael Lee Burgess

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