Olive Crest United Methodist Church
7180 North 60th Street
Omaha, Nebraska 68152

Our Pastor

Rev. Debra Tompsett-Welch

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The Spiritual Life

January-February 1998

Loving like St. Valentine...Or acting out love in an unloving world.

By Rev. Michael Lee Burgess

St. Paul says that God is the source of love, and when we love well, we are in God. So to say, "in love" might be another way of saying, "In God". That raises that phrase to a whole new level of importance and sacredness. We have often let the phrase "in love" dissolve into sentimentality and mushy stuff, especially on Valentine's Day, when it could be a day celebrating our sacred commitment to act in a loving Christ like way. A way that is in harmony with God who loves in Great Ways. Ways deeper than we can imagine, but which we can feel when we encounter the living God. Ways we imitate when we love another for their best good and not for our own needs. Ways that remember Jesus' great commandment, that we love God, neighbor and self. The heart of that commandment is love, not just an emotion, but our commitment to being loving.

All right Rev. Michael, that sounds like good theology stuff, but how do you do that in the real world? Ah, that is the important part. Nothing we believe about God will build up the Kingdom of Heaven until it is lived out in a human life in the world around us. Only when we act out our love with hand and heart will the world be changed. So some practical advice would be good. I remember reading many years ago a book called Letters to Karen written by a pastor to his daughter on how to have a happy marriage. It focused on building each other up, deliberately looking for ways to help the other feel good about themselves and being with you. He encouraged them to make a commitment to hearing and seeing the good in the other, that they might rise to that vision of their "best" self. This is very good Christian advice, also advocated by St. Ignatius as a cornerstone of the spiritual life acted out by listening to a brother or sister in Christ. He directed that we always put the best face on anything said to us, and if we can not find a good interpretation then ask for clarification. If you can still not see the good in the comment then forgive it and go on.

Advice in the same spirit is being shared by John Gray in his popular book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus on how to communicate. In it he has a technique for releasing negativity and then communicating in a more loving fashion. Many times to find our loving feelings we need to first feel all our negative feelings so that we can move on and feel the love we have committed ourselves too. Here is his love letter technique:

The Love Letter Technique

1) Address the letter to your partner. Pretend that he or she is listening to you with love and understanding.

6) Sign your name at the end. Take a few moments to think about what you need or want. Then write what you need in a P.S.

This is the Response Letter part with what you would like to hear from your partner.

Here are some starters to help you notice your feelings.

1. For Anger- I don't like it/ I feel frustrated/ I am angry that/ I feel annoyed

2. For Sadness- I feel disappointed/ I am sad that/ I feel hurt/ I wanted

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