Olive Crest United Methodist Church
7180 North 60th Street
Omaha, Nebraska 68152

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Rev. Debra Tompsett-Welch

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The Spiritual Life

March 1998

What does a Valentine's present look like? Or how to give out love, even in hard times.

By Rev. Michael Lee Burgess

I'm sitting here fussing. Valentine's Day is coming and I need to do something nice for my mom. Something loving and giving, to demonstrate just how special she is to me. This is getting to be a problem (she is not easy to shop for). As I struggled, I got to thinking,"How do we show love? How do we give a gift that actually gives love? I thought back over the last two months and wondering if I had been doing love, or had I forgotten to in the bustle of Christmas? And if I can't give love around Christmas, how was I going to give love at Valentine's Day? Let me share the story of the last few months and you can help me look for love. The places I am noticing most have brackets () around them but you may find different places.

This story starts back in early December. Mom found a lump in her breast and so the hospital got in a big hurry to do a radical mastectomy, modified radical mastectomy, reconstructive surgery and a hernia surgery, all at the same time. I was scared, and mom was a little anxious too. She asked me to please keep Dad company so he wouldn't worry too much during the surgery. (1)I got there a little early and went back and prayed with her in the surgery waiting room. (2)I realized that was the first time I had been able to be a pastor for my mom, and not just her son "the preacher". I was still thinking about that as I sat with Dad. We talked and complained about the soap operas on the TV that was giving me a headache, or the even worse day time talk shows. Finally I snuck around and turned the TV's off. All in all, it was good to be there with Dad.

Well a week later things were getting tense again. Mom just wouldn't stop bleeding. She had been given whole blood, platelets, and fresh frozen plasma and it wasn't working. The surgeon decided she had to go back in. They took Mom all apart again as Dad and I sat together. (3)Unfortunately this time there were people watching the TV and so we couldn't turn the darn thing off. But Dad and I still got to talk about life, the universe, and everything. It is amazing how exhausting it is to wait. I got to watch as Dad was charming to the nurses and aids and made friends with the janitor. (4)Any gifts I have for meeting people I must have learned by watching him. Finally the surgeon came out and she told us that they couldn't find anything wrong. That was hard, because now Mom was set back over a week and the only thing she wanted for Christmas was to go to Georgia and see her family for Christmas; and especially her grandson Michael Jerome Halpern. There was even some extra excitement because my sister Ruth Masciarelli is now pregnant. With all this anticipation, it was real hard to contemplate not being able to go. To keep hope alive Mom had me go shopping for her to get the rest of the presents that she didn't have to time to find. (5)

The uncertainty just kept building. She just wasn't getting better, and they still had 5 little "sump pumps" or drains in her when they sent her home. It was hard to see her so terribly weak. My brother-in-law Joel went ahead and arraigned airline tickets and we kept hoping. (6)I thought this was starting to get a little out of hand. We ought to just cancel the big family Christmas and plan a small one here, and try to get together some other time. (Sometimes, I am such a Scrooge) But Mom was determined, so after the Christmas Eve service I stayed up all night packing presents and clothes and getting things arraigned so that I could be gone for 3 days, and around 7:30 a.m. Christmas Day we left for the airport. It was the beginning of an adventure. (You know, the kind that make great stories afterwards?) Dad had his Santa Claus red hat on, and in case you haven't seen him lately, with his big white beard and round middle, he looks just like St. Nick. People would just stop right in the middle of the airport and little kids would grab their Mom or Dad and point. He asked one young couple who had their mouths hanging open, Did you get you wanted for Christmas? They nodded and said, Yes, thank you Santa. He said, Good, good. and we kept on walking. (7) Mom loved it. When we got to Atlanta the guy who helped push mom's wheel chair kept calling out to all this friends Look who I've got, Mr. and Mrs. Claus. And his friends looked just stunned. Mom was so tired she was white, but she had these big dimples and was just kept smiling. After the 32 hour drive to Valdosta from Atlanta Georgia we all collapsed for a nap and put Mom to bed for the rest of the day. I got up after a while and talked with Ruth and George, (I didn't want them to feel ignored).

The next day we found that Deborah, Joel and Michael Jerome had not left yet! (They live in Virginia.) Michael Jerome was sick, and now his dad was coming down with it. Sigh! We couldn't keep waiting so we started making Christmas dinner (OK, so it's a day late, but its still before Epiphany). (8)I cleaned out Ruth's fish tank, installed a background, and generally spruced it up. (9)Well the next day, since I was leaving early the next morning we opened some presents. Then Ruth and I went shopping and I bought her a new light for her fish tank. (10)It was special to get to help my sister again after so long. Mom and Dad waited for a few more days to see if Michael Jerome and his Mom and Dad could finally get down to see them. When Mom and Dad finally got back 2 days later I was waiting for them (they were very late) and helped push the wheel chair out to the car. (11 Dad was pretty tired of pushing and carrying luggage (it was midnight and they had been in airports all day, including waiting in Chicago 6 hours for a plane to get repaired).

Unfortunately Deborah, Joel, Michael Jerome never made it down to Georgia. You might think that this was all a grand waste of time and perhaps even a little foolish, since Mom was so sick. However, as I looked back over the adventure I noticed something important. Remember those brackets () I wanted you to watch for? Remember how I was looking for love gifts? Those times look like that kind. The kind of gifts that create family, enrich life, and make it possible to keep going when your tired and hurt. Romantic gifts for Valentine's Day are fun, but the gifts that create love are those that give of self, time, and efforts to help. They are gifts that make relationships possible. They are the extra effort to be around, even if it is not very much fun. They are sometimes impractical, in the same way that God's love is impractical, and give much more than you receive. How we live our everyday lives, especially when we are tired and hurt, is the real measure of love given and received. On this Valentine=s Day it would be a lot of fun to give something nice to the one you love, (especially your Mom) but it is also good to remember who the day is named after. St. Valentinus was a real man, martyred for acting out the love of God. While he was awaiting execution for being a Christian, he taught the head jailer's crippled daughter a trade (reading) so that she could make her way in the world. Love is always more than cute, and always cost more than a card or a flower. In fact, love can be very hard work at times, and we all need help to do it well. Thank you for your support and your help that made it possible for me to support my Mom and Dad and love my family this Christmas time. This is what building the kingdom of God is about, and the best kind of Valentine=s present. May God Bless You.

Your brother-in-Christ, Reverend Michael Lee Burgess

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