Olive Crest United Methodist Church
7180 North 60th Street
Omaha, Nebraska 68152

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Rev. Debra Tompsett-Welch

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The Spiritual Life

April 2000

Walking with Jesus through Maundy Thursday to Easter. Finding Grace in the Shadows

By Rev. Michael Lee Burgess

The world turns and the wind blows winter into the past and I grow a little more into the man I will be before God at the end of my life on earth. Easter is coming and it is my 42nd Easter. The cycle has turned again and I am only now realizing that the seasons of Jesus' life are not so different than my own. We all go through times in the Garden when we pray that the world might be different and get offered the choice of faithfulness and being our true selves or choosing the easier path and being false to who we are called to be. And we all experience rebirth and resurrection when we thought we were dead and ended. These times of glory and grace happen all through our lives, not just at the portal of the life to come.

My last month has been a time great upheaval and very hard praying, and like Jesus I sometimes felt very alone in the struggle. With the best motives, and out of love for Olive Crest UMC my boss, District Superintendent Rev. Ron Croom called me into his office and told me that my name had been placed in the move pool. That means that I would probably be moving in June if they found a church they though I would be a good match for and someone who was a good match for Olive Crest, but it was not certain. So I was required not to tell anyone about the possibility so that it would not mess up our ministry here if I did not move.

I felt that it was too soon and dangerous to all that we have done together. We are just beginning to grow and we are finally seeing the fruits of God's Spirit in our work together. It also just hurt terribly to think of leaving a place that has finally come to feel like home and where it was safe to love the people around me. But he was not doing this for the wrong reason, but for the right ones. He also loves the church and wanted to see it grow into the strong family God sees it to be. I prayed, I agonized, and I struggled to find the will of God in the midst of so many conflicting needs and I discovered that praying can be very, very hard work. I know why Jesus had drops of sweat like blood on his forehead and I was only facing a tiny hard thing, not being tortured to death.

Then Ron called me into his office and told me that they were officially removing me from the move pool to give us another year together to bear fruit. The news felt like a blow, my first response was a numb and a polite thank you. I didn't pass out and fall out of my chair (that would not have looked good) but I know what grace feels like. And I also now know the feeling of being given new life when all seemed darkness and loss. I knew God would go with me through the journey and we would go to a great place, just like I know God will go with me through the portal of death into a life of love and grace when I die. But suddenly I have new life now. And I learned from the wrestling. I discovered some new depths in myself in the struggle. Jesus did not struggle with temptation in the desert because he was in trouble, but because it was the way to grow stronger. Just like we have to use our muscles in order to strengthen them, so do we have to struggle with our soul and practice being in the presence of God in order to learn to feel the Spirit's touch. I learned more about myself as well and the healing God still holds open for my life. I had never realized that when I actually become successful, I hold back for fear that people will see me as conceited and not like me. That is a broken part in me in need of healing, and a sin, a mistake to be changed. It is a good thing to be successful in the work of love and living well for God. I do not need to be right all the time, but to be successful, to be skillful in living for God is a very good thing. And sabotaging yourself in God's work can only be the work of fear, and not of the God of love. Could I have every seen that, if I were not struggling so hard to feel God's touch and direction in the midst of my conflicting needs and desires? Jesus grew strong in the desert, strong enough for his teaching ministry on earth. This is why the church has so long talked about the "desert times" of growth in the spiritual life. That is a time of self discovery and healing/teaching from the Spirit of God. And like many healing experiences, it is a lot of work, some of which is not much fun. Our sister in Christ Dorothy Dolezal has been flat on her back for over 3 months and it will be months more before the traction will bring the shattered parts of her knee back together and give her the gift of walking again. Her journey through the desert has not been easy. She has also been tempted to give into depression, despair and anger in response to fear. But like Christ, she too has leaned on God for strength and grown deeper inside.

We think that Easter is something outside of ourselves, something historical, and in some ways it is. But it is also part of every one of our lives and from the inside. We follow in our Brother Jesus' footsteps. His life looks different on the outside, and the times he lived in seem very different than ours, but being human has not changed so much in 2000 years. We still struggle in the same ways and need the touch of God to find life. During Lent we have been looking at ourselves to see who we have become and where we still need to grow. Now we are come together to Holy Week, the time of Passion, struggle, faithfulness, sacrifice, redemption and Resurrection. On the outside our lives are very different than our Lord Christ's, but on the inside our brother Jesus has been there before us and is walking with us through our struggles into our resurrection at the hand of God into life eternal. Our lives may be pale reflections of his passion, or closer in tragedy and triumph of sacrificial suffering, but Jesus' journey is also ours. Walk through Holy Week in humility and gratitude, because of it, we are not alone in wanderings. His journey is also ours, for we are his family and his disciples, his companions on the Way. Come with me and let us walk together into our glorious future, even when the way leads through dark valleys, for we do not walk alone.

Your brother-in-Christ, Reverend Michael Lee Burgess

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