Olive Crest United Methodist Church
7180 North 60th Street
Omaha, Nebraska 68152

Our Pastor

Rev. Debra Tompsett-Welch

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Hearts

Minds

Doors

The Spiritual Life

May 2001

When God catches the falling door.

By Rev. Michael Lee Burgess

Trying to live Easter means that the Spirit has to touch all the parts of my life, even the not-so-fun parts of what my dad called "Michael’s not been having a good day." But when I looked back on it while I was praying and writing to God that night, I am not so sure he was right. Maybe it was better than I thought. If I look really hard I can see God helping me with a gentle hand, even in the midst of my frustration.

It started the day before. Gabbie’s computer (the main office one) had gotten so unstable (thanks, Microsoft) that it was locking up every hour and we just couldn’t finish the newsletter. We tried everything to fix it, but finally the only option left was radical surgery. We had to reformat the hard drive and reinstall all the software. With a Windows 98 machine that takes about a whole day (and getting some of the hardware drivers to cooperate took another half day).

So now it was the second half of my day off on Friday and I was going to get my BPD Project, ("Bathroom Pocket Door") installed at Burgess House. I’ve been working on this for two weeks and something has always gotten in the way of my day off, so IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN! The last time I worked on it I was able to finally get the wall straight and using a level plumb (that was HARD, the bathroom wall slopes out and the floor slopes down). Now it was time to make the header over where the door will be (a big support that looks like a huge board as thick as the wall). I went through all my 2x6s and none of them were straight.

So I ran off to Menards (the 2x6s cost over $100 because other things just jumped into my basket. Funny how that happens.) I get home and make this really great header. It is absolutely square and straight. I even glued it as well as screwing it together. It was furniture quality. It was 65" long, just like the instructions said the opening needed to be, 2 times the width of the door plus 1". Great job Michael, I am proud of you. Then I lifted is up and almost fell off the ladder. The heavy thing dropped straight down between the uprights. Did you catch my mistake? The OPENING needs to be 65", but the header needs to be 65" plus 1 1/2" on each side to sit on top of the 2x6 uprights. That makes 68".

Ok, I can salvage the inside parts if I take out the screws before glue sets. The first screw completely strips off the head. It’s stuck forever. And the screw bit head in my drill snaps off. First time I had ever seen that happen. Ok, I still have time, if I hurry, to get back to the lumberyard for more straight boards and a new screw bit. I went through 40 boards to find the last two, but maybe I can still get something that will work. I run out to the van and pull open the side door to throw my carpenter’s belt inside. Mom’s Diet Coke that has been hiding in there sees its chance for freedom and GOES FOR IT. It leaps out of the van, hits the driveway and explodes all over me. (I noticed because my glasses got all blurry). The 90+ temperatures may have had something to do with it. I kick the can under the car so it will stop spraying me, get inside, clean off my glasses and head off for the lumberyard. (Strange, I wasn’t really angry when I kicked it; I was just getting it out of my way).

This time the 2x6s only cost around $20 cause fewer things jump into my basket. I get back, make the header and that is when I discover the floor sloped over 1/2" and the wall bowed out 3/4". I make some shims out of plywood and get the header level. Now it is time to mount the overhead track for the pocket door. I start the screw it will rest on and it starts to strip the head. I back it out, but I can’t find any drill bits. So I get the idea to use progressively larger screws. I start one, and when it gets hard going (there must be a knot right there) I back it out. It snaps off with only a 1/8" sticking out. I can’t get hold of it with vice grips. So I pound it in with the hammer and move down 1/2" (I’ve got that much space to play with. It just means less room under the door). I start using my big screws this time. The head starts to strip, I back it out and throw it away and try again, and again, and again. The sixth screw finally gets in. I set the one on the other side, lift up the track and find that it is set up for a 36" door instead of a 32" door. I have to cut it down.

Well by this time I have had to clean the sweat off my glasses so often my rag is smearing so it is time to step back before I make a mistake I can’t fix. I sit there on the floor for a moment drinking some Mr. Pibb to get the energy to put my tools away and realize that I am very tired, but I’m not angry. I am frustrated and sad I didn’t get more done, but I am not screaming at myself or at the wall. I didn’t win, but I did do good work. I learned a lot and will do better. Others could have done better, but I have seen professionals do worse. I am sad, but I don’t feel defeated or worthless.

That is so much better than where I have been. Years ago there was a time when I would have felt worthless as a person and stayed that way for days. I would have felt so defeated that I would have wanted to run away from this project, or I would have been so focused, using my self-anger as an energy source, that I could not have stopped until I started dropping tools or hurt myself.

You see dying to the false self to be raised in Christ isn’t something that only happens at the end or our life on Earth. It is something we work on our whole life long to become our true best self, or what the church has called our Christ-like self. When Jesus talked about dying to sin to be reborn, this was not just the mystical experiences of our soul’s salvation, but also the mental health of our very real and earthly minds.

Once when Steve was helping me (or I was helping him actually) he saw me smash my finger with a hammer and keep going. He said that he was impressed that I didn’t stop and start swearing. I was frustrated, and it hurt, but I was also trying to get stuff done, Steve’s time is valuable and I can’t waste any of it. So I didn’t think much of not stopping to jump up and down.

But I should think much of it. I should celebrate it with joy. In past years I did not love myself like God asked me to love me. Remember the great commandment, to love God, neighbor and self? I still forget and get into bad habits where I scream at myself and say mean and hurtful things to myself. Strangely enough that makes it harder to love other people well and to get things done. Every time I injure myself emotionally, I also have to spend energy repairing the damage, just like in a civil war. Remember how Jesus said that a house divided against itself can not stand? Many people go through life wanting to love God, but unable to find the courage to love themselves as a child of God. I have been there, and God has brought me healing. I still forget and slide back into self-anger, and God brings me healing.

Easter is about resurrection and God keeps resurrecting me from my addictive attitudes that masquerade as love and lead only to pain and death of all that is bright and wonderful and childlike in my soul. This is a lifelong great quest, a work worthy of a lifetime, to become my truly unique best self in God. Living in Easter is to live in Resurrection, resurrection into new abundant life right now before heaven. Easter is resurrection, not just into eternal life, but also from attitudes that lead to the living death of self-hate and the destruction of the joy that God desires for you in this life. My attitude choices shape my perceptions, and my emotions are responses to those perceptions. What I feel is shaped before anything happens to trigger a feeling. If I desire to live in God, to be shaped by God, then I have to let God bring me healing and let my attitudes and emotions be shaped also. This is the process of years, and I don’t do it right all the time, but looking back over my life I can see Resurrection. I know God is bringing me new life. Through all the hard work I have done, and with all those who have helped me along the way, I see God bringing me life, peace in the midst of conflict, and joy when ever I forget to feel bad. It’s working, and will only get better. Thank you God for the resurrection work you are doing in my life.

I invite you to look at your life; God is already working in it. Look and see resurrection work being done, it is there; all you have to do is look. May you be surprised by joy as you look.

Your brother-in-Christ.
Reverend Michael Lee Burgess

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