Olive Crest United Methodist Church
7180 North 60th Street
Omaha, Nebraska 68152

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Rev. Debra Tompsett-Welch

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The Spiritual Life

August 2001

Courage and Roller Coasters!

By Rev. Michael Lee Burgess

Fear comes with many faces and produces as many different responses. Sometimes it chokes off your breath and sometimes it is just irritating. I have felt the fear that feels like the weight of a mountain when a person stood in front of me with a knife threatening suicide, or when a person was running away with a handful of pills. I have felt the fear that feels like hot lava the cold desire for destruction when some young men were robbing me with a large knife and spiked club. I have felt the numbing kind of fear, where you just have to get very very busy when X slumped unconscious and stopped breathing under a pew just before a wedding. I have felt the fear that feels like guilt for not doing something to prevent it when my car was rolling around and around as I braced myself in the passenger seat, trying not to let my head get bashed and hoping everyone was all right. I experienced the fear that feels like failure when a Cadillac in Denver hit me from behind. The whiplash broke a disk in my neck which made my arm and hand go to sleep and I was afraid I would not be able to shift gears, so I would not be able to drive home to Nebraska in time for worship on Sunday.

All these emotions had fear as their foundation and all the solutions to those situations involved courage. Courage is not the absence of fear; it is doing what needs to be done instead of listening to the fear. While fear is an important emotion, because it can warn us of danger and help keep us safe, it is a terrible master and it is NOT intelligent. Fear advises us to do the stupidest of things, because fear thinks with our oldest, most primitive mind. Run away, hide, freeze, or attack is just about all the words it knows and none of those options would have helped me.

But being brave can be a little more complicated than just not listening to fear. One can shut your emotions off and try and be Vulcan and only analytical (I tried that when I was young and school felt dangerous) but eventually that will freeze you away from humanity and God. Emotions are needed for your own mental health and also for communicating with others, even for communicating with God. I think that was why God decided I needed to feel more when God touched my life at a church camp experience. (I call it an existential echo, ask me about it sometime.) But from a less lofty side, life is just lots more fun with emotions in it.

When I was stationed near Central City, I went on a Youth Group trip to Worlds of Fun. All the kids thought it was important that I ride the roller coaster. Well, since you don't want the kids to think badly of you, I jumped in and tried very hard to keep my hands up to hold onto my glasses. I was afraid they would fall off and break when we went upside down. Though the "G" forces were so strong I lost contact with my glasses, they also kept them firmly on my nose. For the first ride I just shut off my feelings. I felt no fear, but I also had no fun. All I experienced was some physical exertion and jarring.

So the next time when I rode with a kid who didn't want to go by himself I left my emotions alone. Then I felt the exhilaration that makes people want to ride these things, and the exhilaration came from fear. I didn't like the fear part, but adrenaline reaction was exciting.

But by the third ride pain was catching up, with the tingling hand and the blinding headache. I had to wear my neck brace for a week afterwards from the jarring irritating my neck. So was I brave because I did a scary thing (even if only a little scary) because I didn't want to disappoint a young person? Or did I do a dumb thing that would make no difference in their lives or any effect on helping them grow closer to God and themselves?

There is a false sense of courage that comes from being more afraid of something else than you are of what is facing you. That is the courage that comes from being "dared" to do something or be called "chicken". You are more afraid of ridicule than the thing in front of you. That is not a healthy dynamic and you make the bigger mistake of attaching it to the wrong source. The only source that truly cares about you in a completely unselfish way, that doesn't have at least some taint of conditional love, is God. If you are just learning how to do courage, some folks find practicing it by trying not to disappoint God, then it can be a step toward learning that you have abilities and talents you were unaware of.

As you grow in your relationship with God, you will learn that God is always there and doesn't leave if you fail. Your love relationship with God will grow strong. You will start to find true courage from the security of knowing you are loved and worthwhile. When you have a secure sense of self, you are not tempted to listen to fear for you know your own value. A sense of competence and value and a reason for not listening to fear is the true source of courage that lasts.

But like fear, courage comes in many emotional flavors. Sometimes it is easy to recognize what the courageous path is, other times it is much harder. And often it is the little things that are the most difficult to see clearly. Sometimes it takes courage to just do what needs to be done when it is hard. One of our first Youth Group adult leaders promised them that they would go on a trip to the Adventure Land amusement park if they participated in events and helped out with fundraisers. Well the time had come to redeem that pledge and it looked like Gabrielle and I were going to have to be the ones to do it. My sister Ruth, who was visiting made me promise to enjoy myself and not think of all the stuff I had waiting back here or the day I could have spent with her.

So we gathered our "courage" and plunged into the event. We piled all the kids into my van and take off for our long drive. We even enjoyed our trip and arrived at the gates ready to have a great time. We made arrangements for when to meet and I agreed to carry most of their money and we took off. Gabbie suggested we take the train to get an overview of the park and Eric thought that was a good idea so off we went in this miniature 4-4-0 American Steam locomotive. We went so very slow that it reminded me of the story my dad tells about a Cuban train called "El Rapido". But it did jar a bit, and my back noticed it and I started worrying.

Well after many rides (and some dizziness) we were facing the big roller coasters. We had tried out the water log ride roller coaster and the little mine ride roller coaster, but these were the big ones with many upside down and jarring turns and rattled and chunked. I felt some fear. Was the fear justified? Well, if I was thinking about death or severe injury, no. I am more likely to get killed on the highway driving home than on that ride. But of irritating/injuring my neck? Then maybe yes. Should I take the risk of being slowed up when I needed to work with Ruth on Friday and had a whole pile of work for the church sitting on my desk for tomorrow? If the fear has some reality, then what is the reason for taking the risk? What is the value that is most important here? My life is not wholly my own, I also owe debts of love and obligation to many people and to God. What is the most loving and whole thing for God, for others and for myself?

I do feel the fear, but that is not important, so what is important? I decided that I could not take the risk for a few seconds of adrenaline rush when so much more depended on me being healthy and able to work. I wondered if I was being a coward. If I was, I decided that was not important. What was important was being whole and loving to myself, others and God.

I wish my body was stronger and didn't have these limits, but we all get injured during life, it happens and you work with what you have and try to heal. But I was a bit frustrated and wondering about myself and my motives. Was it all just a rationalization to hide my fear? As I was waiting for Gabbie to finish the big wooden roller coaster (she said it was very jarring and was glad I didn't go) I read in the back of the park map that they had a circus performing there.

It stuck in my mind. When the kids all joined up again and after we left the park to eat dinner (to save money) we all gathered 'round to decide what we wanted to do 'till the park closed. I said: "I want to go see the Circus." One of the kids said a bit scornfully, "How old are you?" (as in that is only for little kids). I said, "Three, and I want to see the Circus, you want to come too?" No, they wanted to go do another round of rides. But by then I realized I was listening to the voice of God inside and went off to see the circus anyway.

It was wonderful. I was right next to the ring. A husband and wife magician team from Russia changed her outfits by dropping rings over her 7 times. I was amazed. I felt wonder. During the whole show they danced together to music and acted like they really loved and respected each other. Then a lady acrobat worked with the trapeze and I watched her pull herself up only by her arms to 20 feet above my head. She then started swinging on a bar and she looked like she really enjoyed herself doing what I know she does this same thing 3 times a day 7 days a week. That kind of professionalism and devotion to her art takes the long-lasting kind of courage.

Afterwards I went up the husband of the magic team as he was picking up glitter to reuse and thanked him for making my visit to Adventureland special. He was very gracious and dignified in thanking me. Then I had a great time talking with some of the retired people who run the rides and then I sat down on a bench to wait for the kids to meet up and suddenly I felt whole again, the way that only happens when I realize God is present. (I know God is always there, but I don't always notice). My back and neck straightened up and I felt really good, like I had just been doing prayer meditation.

I realized the one true act of courage I had done this day was not avoiding injuring myself, which was just good judgment. My act of courage was listening to my whole self and going to learn the lesson God had waiting for me, with the circus people who perform their arts day after day, and find joy in it. They have the true courage of finding the right thing and doing it with passion, even when the crowd is small and no one seems to be applauding.

That is the kind of courage we need in our life together, to find what we love and do it with passion. We can work and believe even when the crowd is small and no one seems to notice. This is one of the ways God brings the kingdom of love into our lives and the lives of those around us. Support each other in this, and our lives will find magic again. May God bring you blessing.

Your brother-in-Christ,
Reverend Michael Lee Burgess

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