Olive Crest United Methodist Church
7180 North 60th Street
Omaha, Nebraska 68152

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Rev. Debra Tompsett-Welch

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The Spiritual Life

April-May 2005

When is it avoidance and when is it God helping you cope?

By Rev. Michael Lee Burgess

The season after Pentecost is considered the time for growing in spiritual disciplines and doing self-maintenance. Here is the time when we aren't rushing around for the special celebrations of our Easter Holy Week and Christmas or practicing disciplines for the times of preparation like Lent and Advent. We finally have time to try and do some of the deep growing we need if we are going to become our whole, holy, Christ-like self.

Did you blink? Missed it already didn't you? Summer hasn't started yet and already we are behind. Do you feel like taffy? Stretched and pulled in a hundred different directions, tired and can't even decide which crisis you should start on first? Then there is a very good chance you are triangulated. (I'll explain that in a minute.) If we want to become our true self that is often lost in the demands of our lives, we have to know what is shredding us till we forget why we were trying to grow close to God in the first place. I remember the old saying; "It's hard to remember you came to drain the swamp when you are up to your armpits in Alligators." Trying to take on all the conflicting demands on your time at once is impossible and trying to figure out how to get them all done is also ultimately self-defeating. The only true direction that moves closer to God is to start with different questions, "Why does this job need to be done, what good will doing this task accomplish and for whom am I doing them?" If I just believe my 'to-do' list then I am already doomed to failure. It is way too long, and even if by some miracle they all got done, I would still not be in that quiet balanced place where I can walk with God and in the name of God bring growth and a touch of glory to the world. I would only be in that frantic place where I fall exhausted into bed and dread facing tomorrow and another very long 'to-do' list.

So here is where I better explain "Triangulation" and how you need to keep that process in mind when you evaluate your 'to-do' list. Then you can see what is truly important and what in only a crisis. A Triangle always consists of three parts, "The Persecutor, The Victim, and the Rescuer." Amazingly enough those three positions can change in seconds and keep changing, especially when people are in those positions. The office manager John (the Oppressor) yells at his secretary Mary (Victim), Tim the owner (Rescuer) thinks this in unfair and yells at John for throwing his weight around. So then Mary feels anxious at the conflict and becomes the Rescuer and defends John (now Victim to Tim's Oppression) because he is only doing his job. It goes on all the time. Yeah, it does look a little crazy, but people are still people, even when we are a little crazy and God still loves us.

However, things, problems, jobs, etc. can also be in one of those spots. Here is an example. Your wife tells you to mow the lawn. For some reason, allergies, noise, your grumpy at your wife, for whatever reason you don't want mow the lawn. It becomes the Oppressor. You come up with the great idea, "Lets go to a movie." The movie is the Rescuer and everybody in the family, perhaps sensing your anxiety, says "Yeah, that's cool dad." You all go to the movie, but you don't enjoy it as much as you thought you would. Why? Well the movie is being like a drug. You are trying to relieve your anxiety about the lawn, but not doing anything to take care of the problem that is the lawn. It is still there when you get home.

To make things even more complicated, whatever or whoever is in the Rescuer role takes on the stress of the Victim and the Oppressor. The Rescuer makes those two feel better, by taking on their stress. If people are involved the rescuer can actually get sick trying to make the oppressor and victim feel better. If it is not a person, but an action, like going to the movies to avoid the lawn, then you still have the anxiety; it was just put off for a while. Now these triangles are natural in our world and occur all the time. In fact they seem to be the natural way we try to deal with stress and anxiety, if we are trying to avoid instead of deal with it. But if you know Triangles are happening and examine them, you can choose which ones you participate in and which ones you let go of.

Christ calls us to let go of those sins that keep us from growing closer to God and our best self. One of the things this means is that we should never let anxiety be the center of our lives. Jesus said, "Do not let your hearts be troubled..." (John 14:1a) I think he meant that. He goes on to talk about believing in God and in his bringing of God to us. So in a sense he is saying that love and the courage to act out of love have to be in the center of our selves, not anxiety. If we let fear, and anxiety is a form of fear run our worlds, then we are not starting in God. Yes there are things that are scary and there are true problems in the world. There is much that must be resisted. Genocide overseas and poverty and injustice at home are all evils to be struggled against. But just because something is powerful and fearful does not mean we have to respond from fear.

We acknowledge we are anxious, we notice our fear, but we don't have to act out of it. Facing the fear robs it of power, and then we can think and act with God's help to resolve and change the problem. This can be as small as finding a way to get the lawn mowed, even if you don't want to do it, by hiring a neighborhood kid to do it. It can be as large as finding what we need to focus on that is wonderful in our church family here at Olive Crest. Looking for what we, in the name of Christ, need to share with the people around us. Our church is facing a time of change and growth. We have to decide what we want to do for God and if we are willing to let God reach out through us.

I have been praying. My prayer for myself is, "Renew my love for thee." It is a short breath prayer, but it seems to come from my deepest self. When I do it, the fear and anxiety goes down. When my fear goes down, I don't get trapped into Triangles and my anxiety doesn't blind me to seeing what God is doing. I have to reduce my anxiety in order to get more done and in order to see God. God is doing things and they are powerful and I want to open my eyes and see. I invite you to also let go of your fear and look for God. Notice the Triangles you live in. See if you can give God permission to replace the fear and anxiety with God's presence of infinite love and compassion. We are limited, so we can't hold that much glory for long, but the reflections of that moment can illuminate your life for months. What if we were willing to do that every week?

What are you praying for during this time of growth and becoming at Olive Crest?

May God Bless you with insight, peace and freedom from anxiety.
Your brother-in-Christ, Reverend Michael Lee Burgess

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